Do Less, Receive More
I am committed to doing less and receiving more.
I first heard of the idea of doing less and receiving more in Alison Armstrong’s course, Understanding Men.
At first it was inconceivable that I could do less and receive more. Especially I believed that I expressed my love through “doing”.
I experimented and realised that I could do less and receive more and that it made me happier and it also made my man happier.
As a woman, I am often running around meeting everyone’s needs, predicting what will make them happy and what they need without even consulting them, and then I can feel tired, unappreciated and resentful.
I have asked others to do more in my life, including my children, and have allowed myself to receive their support.
So, what does this look like?
1. Know what you need
This can be very hard for women as we are used to focusing on the needs of others and we may not be used to thinking about what we need. I know that I found this challenging. I had to decipher what my needs really were - and not just needs I thought I should have - but needs that if they were met would make a difference.
You might have needs around health, work, childcare, household chores, or something else.
2. Ask for what you need or give yourself what you need
If you have a need that someone else can fulfil for you, like taking out the rubbish or cooking dinner, you need to ask them. Most people are not mind readers and will not pick up your subtle hints.
They key is to ask in a way that shows what it will provide for you and leaving it up to the person as to whether they can provide it for you. Sometimes, they cannot meet your need right now. The important thing is that you recognised the need and ask for what you needed.
If you have a need that you can fulfil yourself, then make the decision to give it to yourself. For example, if you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed and need time alone, what would give you a feeling of calm and replenishment? Perhaps a chat with a friend on the phone, journaling, or a hot bath. You can give yourself the gift of meeting your own needs.
Sounds simple, but for most women, it really isn’t. Often, we ask for what we need and then we may not be that great at receiving.
For example, if your partner makes you dinner, let him do it his way, and just enjoy not having to do it yourself.
And if you want him to do stuff again in the future, whatever you do, do not criticize what he has done. This is lethal. No one likes criticism. It just doesn’t work - even constructive feedback.
If you do something for someone and they criticize how you’ve done it, how motivated would you be to do it again?
Allow yourself to receive. This can take practice.
Be in appreciation of what you are receiving - either from yourself or someone else. Really soak it all in and be thankful. Express your appreciation to the other person for fulfilling this need and tell them what it provided for you.
Doing less and receiving more takes practice. I am still learning this myself.
I want to share some examples with you.
I wasn’t feeling well this week and did not have the energy to make dinner. I asked Shayne if he would pick up dinner on the way home from work. In order for him to do this, I called and ordered the food. He then popped in and picked it up.
I wasn’t feeling well enough to work during the week and I gave myself a much-needed break. I spent two days at home in bed. I had a bath, watched some Netflix and rested.
I was deeply emotionally triggered later in the week and was feeling fragile. A friend messaged to ask how I was, out of the blue. I knew that talking with her would help so I asked if she was free. We had a great chat that helped a lot.
This friend is also an energy healer. I woke up the next day feeling very heavy. I messaged to see if she had an appointment available that day. Thankfully she did. And I was able to have some great energy work done that made me feel a lot better.
She as happy to do it for free, but I always pay her even though we are friends. So, it was interesting to see her receive the money for the work I did. I always want to pay out of respect and for the energy exchange.
As you can see, there were many opportunities for me to identify what I needed in the moment, ask for support or meet the need myself, and then to receive it fully.
Before you journal, take at least three breaths and really drop into your body. Exhale with sound if you can as this brings you more quickly into your body and the present moment.
1. Place your hands on your heart, close your eyes and ask,
“What do I need right now?”
2. Listen deeply and then write down what you need.
3. Who can meet this need and how?
4. What would having this need met provide for me?
5. Can I allow myself to receive?
6. How would I feel if this need was met?
7. What am I going to commit to doing to get this need met?